My younger twenty-one year old sister has a history of calling names whenever she gets angry, embarressed or upset. It is such an issue that literally not a day goes by that someone is not called retard, idiot, stupid, jerk, bitch or any number of foul names by my sister. She also has a history of striking people and throwing things.
This has been allowed and in some cases encouraged for over a decade now. Needless to say, name calling is not something that my mother has ever taken an extreme stand against.
Whenever any dispute, discussion or issue arises between my mother and I, my sister likes to insert herself into the problem and fan the flames of discord. Long after my mother or I will duck out of the conversation, my sister will trail me around the house and try to reignite the fight. This continues even when I have locked the door, given the silent treatment or appealed to my mom to make her stop. (Usually this is when my mother encourages Jessicas behavior.)
I won't go into extreme details, but in the past month my sister has stuck me, called me horridly foul names, pushed me and thrown my personal things... all things that are literally illegal acts of physical abuse from a 21-year-old woman. My mother has not done anything to discipline, correct, confront or condemn this behavior.
I dubbed my sister the 'attack dog', which I think is very fitting. Like a dog who does not understand English and sees it's master upset for any reason, regardless of the issue, she attacks the person who is 'to blame' for mom being upset. For a menopausal woman, my mother is quite frequently upset, often for irrational things. This does not stop Jessica from jumping in and my mom encouraging her. For instance three weeks ago, when the cat broke my coffee mug and mom started crying, Jessica ended up hitting me. My mother very much encouraged and allowed it, ignoring my repeated requests to 'call off the dog' leading up to the illegal physical assault.
My mom loves having Jessica 'protect' her. It is rather unhealthy and upsetting to watch. She claims that Jessica hitting and attacking people is Jessica 'being the only one who cares for her'. In turn, whenever Jessica initiates fights, mom stands by her, right or wrong.
This culminated to it's worst point last week.
I have no money. And the only pairs of jeans that fit me have been disappearing. I cannot afford to replace them. When I found my missing jeans in my sisters possession, ripped up and stained up, completely ruined, I told my mother (who had been all Christmas smiles moments earlier). As soon as the tone of the conversation turned serious, my sister decided to jump into the discussion with name calling and aggression. So I refered to my sister, once again, as the attack dog.
Think about this. While I endure unspeakable amounts of physical and verbal abuse in this 'Christian' household on a regular basis, as a 24 year old Christian woman, when I semi-stoop to the name calling realm and dub Jessica the 'attack dog' - Jessica who has physically, verbally and emotionally attacked me multiple times in the past month alone... my mother reacted by calling me a bitch and said she did not want me in her house anymore. Because apparently no one calls her daughter a dog. (Unless it is the oldest daughter. In that case she can call her daughter a dog, as can her younger daughter.)
In my mothers household Jessica can call me horrible names on a daily basis, strike me in the face after I've had my wisdom teeth removed, inject herself into any private discussion concerning my mom, and trail me around the house harrassing me... and this is okay.
Mom has never kicked Jessica out. She has never cussed at her. She has never grounded her. She has never called her a bitch. NEVER. I'm talking birth to 21-year-old.
Meanwhile, when I gave my life to Christ as a 14 year old, I made a decision with my Savior to stop the cycle of name calling and hitting people and throwing things that permeates the Edmonds family. I daily decide to rise above the hate and filth that is tolerated and at time actively encouraged in the house. I have NEVER called my mother a bitch. I never will and never could.
Yet when I call Jessica an 'attack dog', my mother calls me a bitch and kicks me out of the house. To understand the weight of this, you must realize my mother has not uttered a swear word from my earliest memories as a toddler to our 'early Christmas' as a 24 year old.
My mother has not apologized for calling me a bitch. Every single time I've been struck by my sister, Jessica has never apologized. The mountain of very real sins I have endured remains. I am willing and trying to forgive. Yet my mother and my sister have not apologized. They remain unrepentant.
Many, many, MANY times in the past I have forgiven my family regardless of the lack of apology and tried to resume life as usual, only to have this viscious cycle repeat. As a 24 year old Christian woman, I think it is time I stop brushing everything under the rug and pretending everything is okay. The violence continues, the name calling continues, to attack dog behavior continues because in the absence of true repentance and true apologies NOTHING CHANGES.
Until there is very real reformation in the Edmonds family, I am removing myself from the family unit.
The family is not healthy. Spiritually, emotionally, or physically. The last time I saw my mothers face she was screaming at me, throwing my personal belongings and calling me a bitch.
I will not return as though everything is okay.
The next time I see her face, it will be when she is meeting with me prayerfully and repentantly. If that does not happen, then I do not intend to see her again. The same goes for my sister.
I am not 'holding a grudge'. I am not being unforgiving. I am willing and eager to forgive. I am simply choosing, for my well-being, to not return to my mothers house until it is safe and healthy to do so. When the wrongs have been righted. The ball is in my families court. They know where to find me. |
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